Leonard Bernstein in the ER

There's something that happens when a woman turns 50 that makes it impossible for her to allow anyone she cares about to go to the hospital without her orchestrating the entire episode. 

She pushes her way into the triage room, then answers all of the triage questions for the patient, including his or her pain level.  I do draw the line at that, explaining that the patient is the only one who can answer subjective questions.

Along with the 3-way triage interview, her phone is constantly going off while she simultaneously  attempts to control all the rest of her family and friends, while also summoning her clergy person. 

Occasionally, she has to step out into the waiting area to exert her control in another direction and she always asks, "If I go out here for a minute, how do I get back in?"

"You don't."   That's what I want to say and that's the truth, if I have any control over it, and I do, most of the time.  But instead, I say, only so she'll leave, "Just hit the buzzer and we'll let you right back in." (fingers crossed behind my back)

Once in a while she is unable to accompany the patient to the hospital which makes for some creative control efforts via telephone or written instructions sent along with the patient on the ambulance, as in this next case, one of my favorites.

(Again, this is posted exactly as it appeared on the note book paper it was received upon.  And, although I would have omitted it if it had, it did not contain any kind of identification or phone number, etc. with which to contact her, had we been so inclined which I can promise you, we were not.)


    Since leaving emergcyroom last week or so, he has gotten very ill.

    2nd trouble breathing
    1st  throwing up not stop for days on end
    3rd dehundreaded (even thow he's drink liquids) 
    4th  Weakness is getting worse
    5th  pain in stomack (not contenpaded)!!!!

    Do something! even if you have to keep him which I Recomend until this is under control. I'm 
     disabled myself.
    He HAS insurance, So there's no reason not to help him.

    Please Call me to let me know what going on.

                     ThankYou,
                   GOD BLESS

      no matter what, you keep him until you find out what's going on, or he's going to die.  Do you   
      understand.

She got kinda nasty there at the end, didn't she?