...and a Half Dozen of Another

Me:  "On a scale of zero to ten, what number would you rate the pain you're having  today?"
Elderly Male Patient:  "Which one is the worst?"
Me:   "Ten is the worst."
Elderly Male Patient:  "Then it's a five."

Is it my imagination or wouldn't it still have been a five if........oh, fuck it.

I Must Be Missing Something

Mahame, on a scale of 0 to 10, how would you rate your pain today?
Oh, I'm not hurtin' anywhere.
So zero?
Yeah.  I'm not hurtin' anywhere.  Except my head, that's a six but it's only because I have  a headache.